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“Fear that the apology won’t be received or accepted can deter someone from apologizing, which may add further strain to a relationship or situation,” adds Jessica Gaddy, LICSW, a Washington ...
5 Reasons Why Some People Just Can't Apologize, According to a Therapist—Plus, What They Tend To Say Instead. Morgan Bailee Boggess, MSW, CSW. December 10, 2023 at 5:07 PM.
In fact, failing to apologize for something we’ve done, even if we don't think it's our fault, per se, can end up causing more damage than whatever we're apologizing for in the first place.
Apologizing shortly after the incident, or after the resulting problems were brought to the attention of the offender, can increase the apology's effectiveness. [ 8 ] The most effective apology statements focus on the harm done to victims while minimizing descriptions of the offender's context, motivation, or justification . [ 8 ]
A non-apology apology, sometimes called a backhanded apology, empty apology, nonpology, or fauxpology, [1] [2] is a statement in the form of an apology that does not express remorse for what was done or said, or assigns fault to those ostensibly receiving the apology. [3] It is common in politics and public relations. [3]
John Kleefeld has encapsulated this into "four Rs" that typically make for a fully effective apology: remorse, responsibility, resolution and reparation. [5] When an apology is delayed, for instance if a friend has been wronged and the offending party does not apologise, the perception of the offense can compound over time.
After all, we all know research has shown that women, as a group, tend to over-apologize. Often, it’s a fight against our own perfectionism or we use it as a way to counter guilt.
At its best, an apology is an expression of sincere personal remorse for one's own actions, rather than a form of inflammatory rhetoric or empty emotional coercion. A non-apology apology, on the other hand, is seen as a way of qualifying, or even avoiding, a "real" apology, and may even be used as the opportunity for yet another veiled insult.