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The lovemap is a concept originated by sexologist John Money in his discussions of how people develop their sexual preferences. Money defined it as "a developmental representation or template in the mind and in the brain depicting the idealized lover and the idealized program of sexual and erotic activity projected in imagery or actually engaged in with that lover."
The "men's first love theory," the idea that men don't get over their first love, has left some social media users furiously nodding. "Men's first love theory is quite real trust me," wrote one X ...
The first is the question of the separate nature of the levels of love. The second is a question of the measures that have been used to assess the three levels of love. [ 10 ] These problems with the theory continued to be studied, for example by Lomas (2018).
In the latter, the individual has a problem with object constancy and sees others as all good or all bad, thus bolstering idealization and devaluation. At this stage idealization is associated with borderline pathology. At the other end of the continuum, idealization is said to be a necessary precursor for feelings of mature love. [8]
The second love is more real and mature than the first, but not any less special. After ending a relationship, we know what we're looking for in future partners.
Poets like Erich Fried capture its strange mix of pleasure and pain, the sense of its essential ungovernability: “It is foolish, says caution / It is impossible, says experience / It is what it is, says love.” I first encountered Gottman's research last year in an Atlantic article called "Masters of Love."
In many of Jane Austen's novels, characters experience love more than once, which contrasts with the view in sentimental novels of the time, where first love is seen as lasting forever. Marianne Dashwood initially believes second attachments are impossible, but over time, she becomes devoted to her husband after loving Willoughby. [ 161 ]
Another reason why we love who we love has to do with culture and history. [4]: 371 Take incest, for example. In some Western cultures, falling in love with one's first cousin could be seen as possibly 'taboo' and therefore morally and lawfully wrong. However, it is legal to marry one's cousin in many Western countries, e.g. the UK.