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If you try to reason with her, she most likely will try to overcome those objections. So I'd stick to facts. "Mom, I'm not in charge of the party. Someone else is arranging it and they're deciding the guest list." "No, I'm not contacting them. This is who they've decided to invite; we can get together after the wedding and have fun with the groom".
+1 to this definitely. My mom always loves sending me home with food and helps me clean up, not because I ask her to, but because she loves me and my girlfriend and wants to make our lives a bit easier, especially at little to no cost to her. –
Ask her if she'd be comfortable exchanging contact information. I find this much more preferable. It's true you run the risk of being rejected, but you'll also know up front whether or not your friendship with this woman will continue. You can simply say something like:
I have never lived in her house before (and I have been at her house for the weekend less than 5 times) but we talk online regularly (more than once per week). I know I will certainly be expected to help. As someone on the autism spectrum I sometimes have trouble realizing when/if I should help.
You ask how to politely ask for seconds, that's not a question that can be answered by anyone but the person you are talking to. Do they consider your asking an imposition, or do they see it as a sign of appreciation. And the best way to discover whether they would consider it impolite is to ask if they would consider it impolite. Make it a ...
Talk to your mom if you're legitimately concerned about your brother's health and safety, you don't necessarily need to rat him out about the beer, just mention that you're worried about him. Like I said above, it's your mom's job to be the parent and keep an eye out for these things, particularly if she's already had to talk with him about this.
Using someone else's property without asking can be perfectly fine (e.g. in case of some spouses (but not others)), rude (in case of some friends), or theft (in case of some strangers). If you don't want to be rude, you must ask. Looking through someone's private things (phone, underwear drawer, etc) is beyond rude and goes into creepy territory.
It was an honest mistake on the part of the person making up the invitations. But most people charged to do this are very careful about it, and the invitation list is usually checked by others as well. But it's possible that someone just fell through the cracks. The invitation was lost in transit. It happens, but it's uncommon.
As somebody who makes this slip up a lot in face to face conversations with people, my go-to strategy is immediately apologizing and trying to convey my embarrassment, probably with a laugh and some comment/excuse along the lines of "This happens to me with everybody, I'm terrible with names".
Don't say "Yes" if you don't mean it, that the most important thing here, probably. If you don't have a thing to say right away and you don't want to give a flat "No" for whatever reason, say that that you need to discuss this with others first, while you formulate the answer.